i thought everything would get worse, but i forgot, that i went older. i’m kinda proud that i can handle with this difficult situation. i prayed often, but it went nevertheless bad. i said to myself “if ‘god’ let her die, you won’t believe anymore in a god. no god would be so mean” but now i think to myself that god maybe couldn’t keep her alive, maybe it’s better that way. maybe he gave me something different - strenght. it’s time for changes.

i realized life is a torture; everybody, you, the persons you love, will die and you can’t do anything.